Offloading. Over-Sharing.
Our modern brains absorb five times the amount of information than they did in 1985.
Our minds wander 50% of the time when we're engaged in a task.
We multitask, but research is showing that it's not actually efficient to do so.
We're putting so much pressure on ourselves to find ways to be more productive, to be less distracted, and to be more present. Additionally, we need connection and support more than ever.
It's a lot - and I'm not even a parent (shoutout to you parents, I do not know how you do it; you're heroes).
We all know our phones play a huge role in all of this. However, this article isn't about our devices.
It’s about mental offloading & why it feels so good.
I love to collaborate, communicate, share viewpoints, and workshop a problem – to hash something out with others. In my corporate job, I would regularly bring team members and stakeholders into a room with a whiteboard, and we'd just start mapping out situations and visualizing the tasks at hand to make sense of things, find solutions, and get on the same page before splitting off again to tackle it.
In many ways, this is how I envision The Continuum Process – as a giant workshop/brainstorm about YOU.
It's a place where we can work through the things that reside in your mind and heart, making sense of them. A place where you can express and unload in a healthy way. It's a journey that often uncovers unexpected patterns and brings forth realizations about ourselves.
The simple act of offloading itself is inherently beneficial.
Recently, I came across the research of Dr. James Pennebaker, a professor at the University of Texas. Since the 1990s, Dr. Pennebaker has conducted studies on emotional disclosure and the health effects of sharing emotional difficulties through writing or with others. When discussing one of the studies involving a diverse group of participants who were asked to write about a variety of human experiences, which he named the Writing Paradigm, he explains:
“When individuals are given the opportunity to disclose deeply personal aspects of their lives, they readily do so. Even though a large number of participants report crying or being deeply upset by the experience, the overwhelming majority report that the writing experience was valuable and meaningful in their lives ”
So, the desire to share is intrinsic to us, and we're more than willing to do so. The real question isn't about whether to share, but rather about finding the right place to share.
A client recently wrote to me, describing The Continuum Process as 'not quite therapy and not quite coaching.' I found this observation incredibly insightful. Life presents numerous situations and chapters where we don't exactly require the services of a psychologist, and it might not fit the mold of a typical coaching scenario either. However, we still find ourselves in need of support (by the way, I am a strong advocate for psychologists, coaches, therapists, etc).
It boils down to the fundamental truth that, as humans, we have an inherent need to share. To unload. This process is akin to tidying up a wardrobe, organising a drawer, or clearing out your inbox. It has an organising effect on our minds, and it's simply gratifying.
Why is it harder as we progress through life?
As I continue to mature and collaborate with others through The Continuum Process, I'm discovering a few things about this progression:
As we age, the stakes become higher for each of us, but in distinct ways. The avenues we once found comfortable for offloading, workshopping, and sharing tend to narrow. Everyone is engaged in their personal battles, constructing their unique dreams – we're all conscious of that. However, this awareness often leaves a void. Where can we truly find emotional safety to share?
Our lives are hectic. In the moment, it often feels easier to soldier on and address things later.
As we evolve through the various chapters of our lives, the people we could once rely on for safe sharing may change. During these transitions, feelings of loneliness might emerge, even within a romantic partnership. A person who was always a reliable source of support has entered a different phase of life, and they may lack the capacity or the relevant insight to offer the same level of assistance as before. Simultaneously, you yourself have transitioned to a new chapter, requiring a different kind of support. While this is entirely natural, it can lead to moments of isolation and sadness in the process.
Oversharing. Over-offloading. Sharing with the wrong person/people. We’ve all been there. It feels terrible. When this happens, forgive yourself, and gently turn your attention inward and ask yourself if there is a different outlet for you in this moment in time or while you move through a specific chapter. Acknowledge that YOUR needs might have changed, and that its not always about the other person/people. This can disarm some anxiety.
Challenges Arise Without Healthy Outlets for Offloading and Sharing
Unhealthy rumination, obsessive tendencies, and mental looping often referred to as 'Rehearsal Loops' by neuroscientists.
These patterns can lead us to turn to our vices more frequently, engaging in excessive distractions, and neglecting our own needs :(
They can also result in heightened expectations placed on our loved ones, sometimes accompanied by uncharacteristic passive-aggressive behaviours.
Decision-making can become clouded by fear and lack of regulation.
Regret and strained relationships may begin to emerge.
These feelings don’t feel good, and they aren’t healthy for us.
What to do about it?
There are options, and I’m always for finding simple ways forward. First and foremost, take a pause. Acknowledge the emotions you're feeling and recognise when you're in a position where external support is necessary. Hopefully, the insights from the above article shed some light on this for you.
If you're a meditator, allow yourself to sit with these feelings.
Then:
Write: Engage in free writing. Set a timer for 5, 10, or 20 minutes, grab a piece of paper or your journal, and let your thoughts flow. You can even discard or destroy the writing afterwards if it helps, but be sure to pay attention to how you feel after you write, if it feels good, keep doing it.
Identify Needed Support: Make an effort to articulate the type of support you require. Think about who could be the right person to engage in this conversation. Is it your partner, a family member, an old friend, a new friend, or perhaps a professional?
Communicate Expectations: Before approaching someone, be clear about whether you're seeking a listening ear or advice. This clarity paves the way for a successful exchange, ensuring you both walk away feeling understood and supported.
Consider Professional Help: Always remember that psychologists, counsellors, and therapists are there for you. If appointments aren't possible, continue writing as a means of self-expression until you can secure a session. Also, spending time in nature and engaging in physical movement is always available!
The Continuum Process is also always here for you. If you find yourself ruminating, please reach out to me via email. Let me know what's on your mind, and we can schedule a Discovery Call to explore how I might be able to help.
Much love, and cheering for you always.
Alice x
