Crossing Thresholds into New Beginnings.
“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”
Over the past three years, I've encountered my fair share of new beginnings, and I suspect many of you have too.
Navigating these shifts is quite the dynamic experience. They often follow an ending, bringing both relief and excitement. However, the newness and the unknown introduce an element of fear, almost like a passenger in the sidecar of our expedition. And woven through it all is the thread of grief.
I want to take a moment to acknowledge the effort it likely took for you to arrive at a new beginning, they don't simply appear, do they? Whether it's a change of home, starting a family, moving on from a relationship, beginning a new job, or shifting an unhealthy inner narrative, reaching a new beginning requires considerable effort. So, well done.
If you find yourself simultaneously afraid of both an ending and a beginning, stuck in the in-between, that's okay too. Be kind to yourself, take small steps, and consider working with a professional to help you cross that threshold. It can help.
Because the journey to a new beginning, whether a serene arrival or a fierce battle, is worth it. New beginnings bring freshness, a chance to start anew, opportunities for new connections and experiences, different perspectives, and challenges to embrace. They ultimately weave the tapestry of a life well-lived. I love this.
And in these beginnings, whatever form they may take, our self-trust muscles truly begin to flex.
What’s trust got to do with it?
Trusting yourself is a genuine gift because it's not bestowed; it's earned. And self-trust becomes the ultimate reward when you reach a new beginning.
Emerging on the other side of change, be it positive or challenging, or when crossing the threshold between an ending and a beginning, brings invaluable lessons and insights about yourself. You may feel tired, but you're undeniably stronger, even if the new beginning wasn't something you wanted or initiated. Can you see this?
Take a moment to reflect on a change, big or small, where you resonate with the transition I've described. Can you identify the threshold you crossed?
Consider these self-reflection questions, answering them honestly and without self-judgment:
Did crossing the threshold lead to a new beginning that worked in your favor? Did you discover new levels of confidence, or was it different? Why?
What would you do differently, carrying those lessons with you for the next time?
How long did you linger on the threshold of the ending? Was it a tight grip, a prolonged struggle, or a swift passage?
As you stepped into the new beginning, what happened, and how did it feel?
How did you support yourself during this transition? What worked, and what didn't?
What were the dominant emotions experienced - fear, anger, pain, worry, sadness, grief, elation, peace, numbness, fatigue?
Did you direct your difficulties inward or outward, and what impact did that have?
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers to these questions.
Be compassionate with yourself, that means to be a supportive friend and reassure yourself with a comforting 'it's okay, you're okay.' You might even place both hands over your heart as a gesture of self-assurance.
Contemplation of Change
If you are contemplating change in your life, if you are lingering at a threshold, I encourage you to write the answers to the questions above, down on paper, rather than leave them in your head. It’s more powerful this way, and then you’ll have a record of it when you reach another threshold - which you will - you’ll be more informed about how to navigate it. This is where we cultivate our own wisdom and become less dependent on external input.
I hope we can trust ourselves to embrace the experiences of crossing thresholds, knowing that we can recover from any impacts and that life will find a new normal again. For a long time, I lacked this trust. I couldn't believe in my ability to rebound from the changes I wanted to make. Suppressed desires and accumulating fears became toxic within me until I gently started exploring and learning to cross thresholds, one small step at a time. It's still something that scares me, but my self-trust now triumphs over the fear.
Practice patience, and being tender to yourself when you can be; choose kindness over self-criticism, consciously, repeatedly. I suggest the following book recommendations to help:
Fear Less: How To Win At Life Without Losing Yourself - by Dr Pippa Grange
Fierce Self Compassion - by Dr Kristen Neff
You Already Know - by Helen Jacobs
Also, using The Continuum Process to gauge your current inner-narrative and define your needs, is a great option too. We do a workshop into all things YOU, so it’s completely personalised to your situation.
And, you can use your completed The Continuum Process board to share with your therapist, psychologist or trusted friends/family. It helps them understand what’s on your head/heart so you can get the right support you need, faster, because you are clear about what you need.
I’m cheering for you.
Love, Alice x
