Facing Fear. From Inadequacy to Everyday Anxieties + Steps to Manage it all.
“When people go through the process of facing their fears, it’s hard to convey the extent of their struggle. But struggle and mess deserve as much of a place in our hearts and conversations as accomplishment and success.”
Fear. It's a four-letter word that can bring on a universe of anxieties. Whether it's the constant hum of feeling like we're not good enough, or the paralysing fear of being in public – speaking and sharing; fear can hold us back from reaching our full potential.
And we’ve all been there, who doesn’t have a back-catalogue of resisting, facing, battling, and overcoming fear? Like most big emotions, they do not discriminate.
The Continuum Process (TCP) is about clarity; exploring where you’re at so you can get clear on what the next aligned step might be. This is instead of trying to tackle many things in our heads, hearts and lives at once and getting overwhelmed, exhausted and discouraged in the process.
And my approach for managing fear, is very similar to my approach for all big emotions, and the role that doing The Continuum Process plays in this. Essentially, I have learnt to get objective about my fear. At the bottom of this article is almost a DIY TCP that I’d love you to try. It’s my 5 x Steps to Managing Fear that uses the constructs of The Continuum Process.
Throughout, I reference the work of one of my favourite Fear experts, Dr Pippa Grange and her concepts about the insidious fear of inadequacy. Then, we'll explore the more specific anxieties identified by Napoleon Hill & other generally recognised fears, and offer some approaches to navigate these everyday challenges and help you answer step 1 in my 5 x Steps.
Ultimately, it’s a process to explore and navigate your fear, to arrive at a place where you can see it objectively (not easy I know), and work with it instead of fighting against it. Like most things, there is no silver bullet, just worthwhile pursuits :)
Before we begin, I need to say that seeking professional help is so important when Fear manifests as Panic and Anxiety, or is resulting from Trauma, and feelings of lack of trust and safety. Expert guidance can untangle the intricate layers of this topic, making a real difference in how you navigate these emotions. I know it’s hard to get an appointment everywhere in the world right now and finding the right personality fit takes time. But I encourage you to persist.
The Not-Enough Monster: Dr. Pippa Grange and the Fear of Inadequacy
Dr. Pippa Grange, a renowned sports psychologist, identifies the ‘fear of not being good enough’ as a major roadblock. I know this one well.
Image Courtesy: Copyright Dr Pippa Grange. Link below.
This fear often manifests as a relentless pursuit of "winning shallow", achievements driven by external validation rather than internal growth. It's the voice that whispers, "you have to be perfect" or "they'll see you're a fraud”. This relentless pursuit of external validation can leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled.
This fear often manifests in various ways, all stemming from the belief that we are somehow lacking and need to prove our worth. From this perspective, it is often (as it has been for me) closely linked to feelings of low self-worth.
Some of the manifestations of this fear are:
Jealousy: When we compare ourselves to others and feel we lack what they have, it fuels the fear of inadequacy.
Perfectionism: The relentless pursuit of flawlessness stems from the fear of not being good enough as we are.
Staying Separate: The need to feel separate from others, for fear of showing the real us, this is rooted in the fear of not being good enough intrinsically.
Self-Criticism: The harsh inner critic that bombards us with negativity is a symptom of the fear of inadequacy.
Dr Grange also describes it as something that can ‘surface as a vague, faceless anxiety that you can’t explain or rationalise. It’s when something doesn’t feel right or doesn’t feel enough, even while life looks great on paper’.
Do you relate to any of this? If so, you might have a lurking fear of ‘not being good enough’, I invite you to pause, feel where you’re feeling it, and write about the thoughts and trickling of memories that come to mind.
Be kind with yourself in this moment…
What to do with the ‘Grip of Inadequacy’ Fears:
The Fear of ‘not being good enough’ is where all my fear-battles originate. For me, perfectionism and fear of failure was journeying alongside me in the ride of life for as long as I can remember. It’s not there anymore, which has been an interesting realisation. Replaced by others though! Classic!
And I have found Dr Grange’s insights incredibly helpful, albeit not always easy – but considering even one of her suggestions can help.
She proposes cultivating "winning deep". This involves embracing the journey, celebrating the struggle, and finding joy in the process of growth - I love this so much. Here are some ways to shift the inadequacy-monster in the moment:
Shift Focus: Move from external validation to internal satisfaction. What truly matters to you? Celebrate your efforts and progress in that moment.
Reframe Thoughts: Challenge negative self-talk. Instead of "I'm not good enough", try "This is a challenge, and I'm up for it!" - and if this feels clunky at the beginning, stick with it.
Embrace Imperfection: We all make mistakes. Learn from them, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward.
Additionally, from a mindfulness perspective, Michael Singer in The Untethered Soul recommends:
Observe Your Thoughts: Become aware of the critical voice in your head. Observe it without judgment and detach from its negativity.
I know a lot of these are easier said than done, but the more you practice, the more naturally you’ll find your path and the right tactics for you. Personally, I have found reminding myself to embrace imperfection, that it’s ok to make mistakes; helps.
Did you know that on the famed Diary of a CEO team, there is a position titled ‘Head of Failure & Experimentation’? Also, the New York based, Australian artists CJ Hendry uses the mantra ‘F*ck around and find out’ for her globally popular art pieces, and her creative events. If you need permission to experiment, make mistakes and learn – this is it. I’m giving it to you!
The Six Basic Fears: Everyday Anxieties Defined by Napoleon Hill
Lately, for more situational fears, I have used the work of Napoleon Hill, a motivational author, who identified six basic fears that can cripple our progress. He says that every human suffers from them at one time or another, and that most fears can be traced back to one of these six headings. I encourage you to read his book Think and Grow Rich (yes it’s about finance, but IYKYK and it’s much more), to delve deeper into these fears:
Fear of Poverty: He has this at the top of the list, as it’s the hardest to master according to NH. It discourages initiative, undermines enthusiasm, leads to uncertainty of purpose, diverts concentration of effort and takes the charm from personality (yikes!). But with good reason, in every generational landscape, to be in poverty, it is quite simply, our worst fear. Its symptoms are interesting - indifference, indecision, doubt, worry, over caution, and procrastination.
Fear of Criticism: The most uncomfortable feeling. This robs us of our imagination, and limits individuality, and according to NH, it’s dangerous because we all have access to it giving it, and receiving it. Criticism builds fear, it does not build love. Watch yourself and monitor both your use of it, and how to protect against it.
Fear of Ill Health: This causes suffering because of the unknown nature of it all. Will we be in pain? How can I prevent that? It can remind us of death, and it rightly links to financial fear too. All completely understandable, and we all have this. Worry, fear, discouragement, disappointment in love and business affairs cause this to worsen, says NH.
Fear of Loss of Love: The most painful, and plays more havoc with the body and mind than any other fear here, he says. It can play out as jealousy, and being suspicious, lack of faith in others and finding fault without provocation in those around us.
Fear of Old Age: Loss of freedom, independence, physical and economic freedom, even diminishing sexual attraction. Absolutely. But NH believes that our most useful years, mentally and spiritually are those in later life.
Fear of Death: The cruelest of fears. We don’t know what to expect after death. Over time, this topic is becoming explored more to help us alleviate this fear, as it is the one thing we cannot control.
In his book, he includes a series of questions to help you analyse how these fears are playing out.
The other note, is that all of our fears cannot be seen. They are our thoughts only. And the good thing about this, is the only thing we have control over IS our thoughts. So surround yourself with the right people and protect your thoughts however you can.
At the chapter of life I’m in, I have spent some time reading about the Fear of Poverty in relation to moving away from my corporate salary, the Fear of Criticism as I start sharing my work more publicly, and the Fear of Loss of Love after moving away from all my family and friends in Australia.
Naming my fears in the moment helps, I can now recognise when these fears rear up. And I have learnt that even acknowledging them, helps. Oftentimes, they ultimately draw back to my ‘fear of not being good enough’, and I know to move into compassion mode and remind myself it’s ok to make mistakes, that small steps add up and if nothing else, I’ll learn from the experience.
This helps soften the big emotions. From there, I can seek additional support if I need it.
Here are some other important, common fears that I want to detail for you to consider - also closely related to the fears above.
Fear of Failure: This fear is closely related to the fear of not being good enough but focuses specifically on the dread of failing in tasks, goals, or expectations. It can paralyse you from taking risks or pursuing your ambitions.
Fear of Rejection/Abandonment: Stemming from a fear of not being valued or loved, this fear can manifest in various relationships, leading to patterns of people-pleasing or avoiding vulnerability.
Fear of Change/Uncertainty: Many people struggle with the unknown and fear the disruptions that change can bring to their lives. This fear can hinder personal growth and keep you stuck in familiar but limiting situations.
Fear of Judgement: Similar to the fear of criticism, the fear of judgment revolves around the anxiety of how others perceive us. It can lead to self-censorship, conformity, or avoidance of new experiences.
Fear of Success: Surprisingly, you might fear success due to expectations, pressure, or imposter syndrome. You may fear the responsibilities or changes that success can bring, sabotaging your own efforts unconsciously.
Fear of Loneliness/Isolation: This fear revolves around the dread of being alone or disconnected from others. It can influence social behaviours, relationships, and self-perception.
There are so many types of fears and so many ways they show up.
I know this is a long laundry list of foreboding emotions. But identifying the ones that most resonate with you, like I said at the beginning, is a worthwhile pursuit and an important step to learn to move with them not against them.
Expert’s Advice: What to do with the Everyday Fears
Here are some general approaches to managing our common fears according to Dr Grange:
Knowledge is Power: Educate yourself about the specific fear.
Develop a Plan: Create strategies to address your anxieties.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a therapist for guidance.
Act: Small steps in the face of fear can build confidence.
Observe Your Reactions, pause: Learn to observe your emotional reactions to fear without judgment. This allows you to detach from the negative energy and choose a more empowered response.
Alice’s 5 x Steps for Managing Fear
EXPRESS: Get clear about your fears. Write them down, find language to describe them, and connect the dots if you can to identify a theme - use the pointers above!
SUMMARISE: Create a short sentence about your fear. For example, "I am inundated with fear right now, it's been that way for too long and I'm tired" or "fear has reared up within me, I don't know what to do with it" or "these fears are actually understandable" or "I'm bored of my fears" or even "fear is keeping me small" and even "I know fear is there but I'm not taking it seriously." It doesn't have to be profound, just state the fact.
ASSESS READINESS - Pathway 1: With that clarity, and for fears you can choose over, assess the context of what else is happening in your life and if you're ready to take a small step towards overcoming your fear yet.
ACT: If you are ready to act, move towards one or two small, very specific things to help address your summary sentence. Don't inundate yourself with actions, respect that fear is part of this. Then once that step has been taken and integrated, move toward the next thing. One step at a time.
DON'T ACT: Give yourself the permission to not take action yet. We live in a time where facing our fears can be exhausting. Yes, sometimes this can be seen as resistance, procrastination, bypassing, etc., but it's okay. You'll get there. Remember, it's okay to prioritise self-care and choose not to face a fear right now. You can always revisit it later.
ASSESS READINESS - Pathway 2: For the kind of fear where you have to "feel the fear and do it anyway" - meaning where you don't have a choice - still assess the context of what else is happening in your life. It might be hard, but see if you can dial up the support you have around you, and dial down the responsibilities on your plate - just for a short period of time. Double down on compassionate self-talk and self-care. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging what you're doing and treating yourself with kindness. Remember, this might have become a draining or difficult situation to manage. If it's been this way for many years, of having to "feel the fear and do it anyway," then consider if burnout or breakdown symptoms are also present. And please, seek some professional support!
REFLECT: Close the loop. Write down what you learned, how it felt, where you felt it (often it's the throat), what the wins and perceived failures were. Make your reflections a felt experience, meaning observe how your body reacted during the process. Did you feel tension in your shoulders? A tightness in your chest? Are you sad? This can bring up a lot of emotion, and it’s often self-compassion moving through you, so let those tears flow.
This step is important because you can build your own trust-muscle using this insight. When you next approach a fear-hurdle, you will think forward to how it feels on the other side, and it will help you go through steps 1-5 again. You’ve got this.
For me, I also offset the fear with movement.
Move your body, your spirit, your energy and your mind. Try a new healing modality, see your favourite healer, get a massage, book a night away, go for a sunrise walk, get to a Yoga class, seek awe and wonder to experience the perception-shift these powerful emotions offer.
Find ways to get out of your head for a while, connect with the world around you and remind yourself that it’s ALL OK. Your thoughts can’t hurt you.
You will be ok.
Trust yourself. Trust what you’ve been through. Believe in where you’re going. Know that every experience is an important step on long roads. You will be ok.
And finally, try leaning MORE into the topic of fear, rather than away from it. Read about it. Listen to Podcasts and watch YouTube videos. Become familiar on the topic and practice exploring how it applies personally to your situation.
Fear is a natural part of life, unavoidable I’d say. By understanding its various forms and developing coping mechanisms, we can transform fear from a roadblock into a stepping stone on our path to a fulfilling life. You’ve got this.
I’d love that for us all. Good luck with all your Fear-Battles, and I’m always here to dig into them more deeply if you need that support.
Love, Alice x
Additional Resources:
Books and other resources linked HERE as a Google Doc that you can save for yourself, and edit/update
